Thursday, 14 September 2017 11:23

Can Do!

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Life is tough, my darling, but so are you.
Stephanie Bennett-Henry

Two days before leaving on a two-thousand kilometre road trip across South Africa, the main road leading in and out of Richards Bay collapsed into a five metre wide sink-hole. I kid you not, the road literally disappeared in an instant. It gets worse. The car was packed and ready, when half an hour before I planned to leave home, I heard an almighty crash from the garage. A heavy item that Kevin had stored in the garage roof rafters months ago fell onto the roof of my car. The impact caused over R12 000 (around $1000) worth of damage and dented the roof, both outside and inside, my car.

Driving such a long distance by myself was already a stretch for me, and although I was so looking forward to the week retreat I was heading to, I have to admit, I was spooked. The road collapsing and sky literally falling in on my head had me rattled. Were these warning signs telling me not to go or merely obstacles to be overcome?

Fear can be a terrible thing. When you are caught in it’s grip, it’s very hard to tell whether the distress you are feeling is for a real or imagined threat. That difference is what it is all about. Usually, it’s that very uncertainty, the not knowing if we are in actual danger or caught in a fearful thought that traps and holds us back.

Anxiety is a default mode for me, and as I sat there struggling to find my balance, a quote I had come across a few days before, came to mind. It said, “Beautiful girl, you can do hard things.” Such simple, yet powerful words.

So many of us pay most attention to thoughts that harm us, thoughts that weaken us mentally, physically and emotionally. We believe our fears. We believe the voice that tells us we are not good enough, that we can’t or that we shouldn’t. We believe that we don’t deserve it, that there is something wrong with us and that we are never going to be happy / successful / or at peace.

To change this pattern we have to stop harming ourselves. It's our very thinking that's flawed and needs to change. We have to make some effort to learn to think in healthier ways, to purposefully cultivate thoughts that strengthen us mentally, physically and emotionally, thoughts that remind us of the resources we have within and around us that will help us do hard things. Life is tough. Remind yourself, so are you.

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Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching

I'm a Personal Development Life Coach who specialises in L.I.F.E (Living Into your Fullest Expression). Based in Richards Bay, on the East Coast of South Africa, I live with my long-suffering husband, (his description!), two much-loved dogs and care for my elderly father who has Alzheimer's.

Read more about me here.

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Comments  

# Anastasia 2017-09-17 21:35
I'm sorry to hear about the damages. I completely agree on the life difficulties. Seeing them as simple tasks that have to be completed create a big difference between me and anxiety. Thank you for this thoughts.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-18 06:49
That is so true, Anastasia. Anxiety has a way of catastrophizing breaking it down into simple tasks is a great help.
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# Margarette 2017-09-17 17:21
Life has full of challenges. But we just have to face it. God wont give us problems without solutions.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-17 18:39
Many people find great strength from their religious beliefs, especially when facing hard times. It can be a real comfort.
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# brit 2017-09-17 03:39
I know life has its ups and downs. I feel that no matter what good that comes my way. The wrodl will throw something tough at me that will make m question if I am strong enough to move forward. Great post.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-17 18:37
That is so life, Brit! It really is full of ups and downs and the good news is that we usually are stronger than we think. At least when push comes to shove.
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# Via Bella 2017-09-16 23:49
I am so sorry about your car. That sucks. Were you able to get it fixed? At least it wasn't the engine.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-17 18:32
My car is going to be assessed by insurance tomorrow and then hopefully it can be fixed fairly quickly. Honestly, Bella, I am so grateful it wasn't the engine, or worse one of us or the dogs that got hurt. It could have done serious damage.
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# Ali Rost 2017-09-16 22:16
Love this thought, Tania, and it's so true. At the beginning of this year, I decided to treat myself with the same kindness and love that I would show to a friend. For example, every time I think "I can't" I force myself to turn it around instead tell myself "of course, you can" While changing the tape recorder in my head has been one of the hardest things I've ever done, it's also been one of the most worthwhile. x
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-17 18:30
I can believe it, Ali. That is exactly what a friend would do and such a wonderful idea to do it for yourself. That inner tape can be so tenacious, like a 1000 armed octopus!
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# Jennifer L 2017-09-16 06:21
I have anxiety and know how easy it can be to just accept the voice in our head that says to cave into fear. But it's important to push ahead, realize that situations are sometimes out of our scope but that we'll be ok.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-17 08:20
Anxiety is such a hard one to navigate, or at least I have found it to be like that. It really feels like being at war with yourself and the reminder that you will be okay is a great help. I hope you keep on pushing through until it gets so easy its effortless!
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# Prateek Goel 2017-09-16 03:41
Haha, very true. Life is tough darling and so you are. perfect quote, we all can look back at how our life has gone so far and how we came out of difficulties.
Nice quote and nice explained.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-17 08:18
I love both of the quotes in this article as well, Pratek. Lol, the word darling does something fabulous to me for some reason!
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# Melanie May 2017-09-16 00:50
I always say 'acknowledge the negative thought but then let it pass, don't dwell on it'. This works for me.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-17 08:16
Nice one, Melanie! The dwelling on it really does just make a mountain out of what could well be a simple molehill.
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# Kathryn Maher 2017-09-15 23:21
I love this post and it couldn't have come to my attention at a better time. I'm going through some challenging times at the moment and I need to combat my fear and know that I am tougher than it. Thank you.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-17 08:15
Exactly! Tough times are a given in life and fear stops us from knowing and accessing our own strength. This is for you, Kathryn, beautiful girl, you can do hard things.
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# Louise 2017-09-15 20:54
Brilliant article. It really made me think about trying harder to look at things more positively :)

Louise x
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-17 08:13
Thank you so much, Louise. It turns out it is not as hard to do as I thought first it was! I hope it's the same for you.
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# Miranda 2017-09-15 13:53
Such a good reminder, I struggle with feeling like I don't "deserve" things or even people at times and it truly is just about telling those voices or thoughts to shut up! Thank you!
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-17 08:12
It really is, Miranda. Those voices are so unhelpful and we give them far too much power over us. I actually do sometimes tell them to shut up!
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# Abby Louw 2017-09-15 12:14
Amazing and uplifting article!!! Sage advice as usual Tania. Thank you.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-17 08:10
Ah, thanks for stopping by to comment, Abby. It is greatly appreciated!
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# Lyka 2017-09-15 04:18
Thank you for this reminder. I feel like I really needed it as I've been struggling with so many things in life lately. I have a constant battle with my brain which affects my mental and emotional health lately.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-15 09:23
Sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment, Lyka. It really helps when we support and strengthen ourselves and I hope you can find a way to do that for yourself. You can do hard things!
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# Tonya 2017-09-15 01:54
Great post. And you are right, that's an amazing quote. One that should be pinned on the mirror.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-15 09:25
I so agree, Tonya, i's the best quote ever! I put it on my phone and have found it to be such a help in those moments when I need something sturdy to hold on to.
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# Sean M. 2017-09-15 00:14
A very insightful look into the fear that can either break us or make us stronger. I'm glad you're unharmed and also that you took the time to reflect and learn a lesson from the experience. That's what life is about after all!
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-15 09:26
Thanks so much, Sean, It really was a very powerful experience and I love that you got that!
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# laura dove 2017-09-14 19:08
Wow that is shocking, but I always say that regardless of what happens to us, we have to find a way to move forward. I think we are all braver than we think.
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-14 19:41
I like that, braver than we think! It turned out to be true for me on this trip.
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# Star harford 2017-09-14 17:50
I really enjoyed reading your article. It is very thought provoking and very true. Its so easy to put yourself down or instill doubt and fear by your thoughts but what a simple solution, to have positive thoughts instead!
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-14 19:43
This experience really highlighted that for me, Star. It could have gone either way and I'm so glad I chose the direction that strengthened me.
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# kamille 2017-09-14 17:38
Shookedt of what happened! I can't even imagine but yes, you're tougher than any circumstances you might face.

xx Kamille | www.kamilleking.com
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-14 19:44
Such a good thing to rememeber, isn't it, Kamille!
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# Whitney Abigail 2017-09-14 13:14
Life really is tough - we've just got to keep going and try to keep a positive mental attitude on the world! x
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# Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching 2017-09-14 19:45
The more I experiment with this in my own life, the more powerful it gets. We really do have a lot more control over our experience than we realize. Especially when things are hard.
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